Random Stories
by Jarlie
Summary: Random stories, very random stories about season one charaters. it's 14 chapters of random goodness. ever wondered what would happen if Santa came, if there was an island hero or if Sun put on a play? there is one way to find out!
1. Kate loves Hurley

In these stories I'm only using characters from season one, nothing from season 2 and boone is still alive and everyone is happy :)

Disclaimer: … I could just pretend I own all of the characters… fine then I don't! (This disclaimer applies for all chapters)

A/N: please ignore my stereotyping and terrible jokes. I can't help it

What would happen if…

Kate fell madly in love with Hurley?

Kate was happily walking through the jungle eating a mango. When all of a sudden Hurley fell out of a tree and landed on top of her. Knocking Kate unconscious.

"Dude" said Hurley getting of Kate "are you alright?"

Kate didn't move. Hurley grabbed her by the shoulders and started shaking her "Dude, wake up!" slowly Kate's eyes opened.

Now, Hurley falling on top of Kate must have done something to her head because when her eyes came into focus she saw not Hurley, but a gorgeous stranger.

"Kate are you all right?" Hurley asked

Kate looked up at the tall, dark and handsome person in front of her and smiled looking into the icy blue eyes of the stranger standing in front of her. "Hello who are you?" she asked

"Kate, are you all right? I kind of fell out of a tree and landed on top of you"

Kate looked around happily she didn't remember anyone falling out of a tree. "I know that I'm in the middle of a love triangle right now but I think your hot, what did you say your name was again?"

"Kate, it's me Hurley"

Kate looked at the stranger again, "Hey, I know someone called Hurley but you're much hotter than him, he's all fat and hairy"

Hurley stared at Kate for several minutes, Kate stared back. "Kate, I think you need to go see Jack. He'll know what to do because he knows everything"

Kate continued staring at Hurley, making him feel slightly uncomfortable. "Jack?" she said after several long minutes. "What a great idea, I can tell him that I don't want him anymore because I found someone better." She stood up and grabbed Hurley's arm dragging him in the direction of the caves. She continued talking as she went. "Anyway I'm surprised we haven't already met, I think I would've noticed someone like you around the came, wait-" she stopped "- you're not one of the others are you?"

"No Kate, It's me Hurley, you're hallucinating"

But Kate just ignored him and continued rambling on in a deluded state of mind "and then there is this other guy. His name is James but everyone calls him Sawyer. Do you know him? You must he has this little black market thing going on. Everyone knows him. He's really hot, maybe I wont tell him about you yet"

Hurley sighed and tuned out of Kate's chatter as the two of them walked th the caves to get Jack.

When they finally arrived at the caves they walked up to Jack who was teaching several people how to remove a splinter. Kate and Hurley walked up to him together. Jack looked up "Class over" he announced. Everyone got up and ran away muttering things like "we already knew that" and "he didn't have to blackmail me in to coming, he could have just said please"

Before Kate could speak Hurley said, "I was climbing a tree and I fell out and landed on Kate. I knocked her out and now she's hallucinating" They both looked at Kate who was holding Hurley's hand staring happily into space

"Jack, I've got to tell you something. I think you're really ugly." said Kate she laughed hysterically, and then she stopped "and I'm in love with this guy" she added grabbing Hurley and giving him a kiss.

"See what I mean?" said Hurley

Jack surveyed the scene for several minutes "Hurley, I'm not sure she is hallucinating," he said

Hurley laughed

"No, I'm serious. You a very attractive man" said Jack blushing slightly "in fact…" He looked Hurley up and down "you're a very, very attractive man"

With that Jack grabbed Hurley's hand and the two of them hand in hand skipped off into the distance together. Kate turned around and ran after them screaming "Wait, Hurley! I'm in love with you"

A/N: I realise there is another story about random things like that but I DID NOT steal their idea coz that's just mean. Please review!

Also this is possibly the worst chapter, please don't let it turn you off.


	2. Santa Clause

What would happen if…

Santa Clause came and gave everyone presents?

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the island not a creature could be heard not even the monster thing. Nothing was hung by a chimney with care and nobody had hopes that Saint Nicholas would soon be there.

But the were wrong…

Charlie woke up in his tent to a strange noise, he quickly got up and ran in the direction of the noise and was surprised to see… Santa Clause! For several minutes he stared at the fat, white bearded, red suited man in front of him. The man was placing neatly wrapped gifts under a large tree in the centre of the campsite. Charlie also noticed a large sleigh with reindeers nearby.

Santa turned around to face Charlie. "Merry Christmas Charlie" he said happily placing the last gift under the tree/

Charlie continued staring…

And staring…

And staring…

Until he found his voice "Santa?" he whispered

"Yes Charlie, I am here to give everyone presents because that is what I do"

Charlie continued staring, until a thought occurred " Santa, you know where we are. You can save us all! Yay" he cheered

"Nope sorry" said Santa walking towards his sleigh

"What?"

"I can't tell people where to find you"

"Why not?"

"Because then the show would be over." Santa said climbing into the sleigh and taking the reigns

"What show?" asked Charlie

But Santa ignored him and cried "Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight"

Charlie was very confused so he went to bed

Charlie was awoken the next morning by Claire's cry of "Oh my god"

He ran outside to see her and several other people surrounding a tree. That's when the previous night came back to Charlie.

"They're presents!" someone cried

"Hooray" cried someone else

Luckily the presents had nametags and they were all handed out to the correct person.

Charlie got: some shiny new shoes and an ice cream making machine, which included ingredients and batteries. Charlie took the ice cream maker and ran to his tent

Claire got: a new diary, pen and a large chocolate cake. Claire took the cake with her and went to the jungle were she could eat it away from people who might attempt to steal it.

Sawyer got: a game boy with several games (including Harry potter and Mario) and a word of the day calendar. He was thrilled.

Locke got: knives and a gardening book. "Just what I always wanted" he said sarcastically buy deep down he couldn't wait to make a garden of his own

Jin got: a fishing rod and bait

Sun got: ear plugs (because Jin snores) and some knitting needles and wool. "Oh how fun!"

Michel got: an art set and a backpack. He put the art set inside the backpack and stood back admiring it for a long time

Walt got: a toy doctors kit and a book on polar bears. Jack was very jealous; he really wanted that fake stethoscope

Kate got: a canoe and an air freshener. Kate stood up and did a quick dance and took her canoe to the water so she could canoe

Boone got: a hair care kit and a poncho. "Just what I always wanted!" he squealed and ran far off into the distance

Shannon got: a manicure set and sunscreen. "Yes now I can give everyone a manicure!"

Hurley got: a block of chocolate and a star wars t-shirt. The chocolate didn't last long

Sayid got: a screwdriver and a picture book. He almost cried in delight

Jack got: a tamagochi and a book on anger management. Jack didn't think he needed the book until he broke his tamagochi in frustration because it died.

Everyone had a lovely day and Charlie made everyone ice cream and Claire gave everyone cake. Sawyer got past level one on his game boy. Locke started making a garden. Jin caught fish. Sun had a good night sleep. Michel wore his backpack all day and didn't take it off once. Walt became a great doctor. Kate went canoeing. Boone did his hair and wore his poncho. Shannon gave everyone manicures. Hurley wore his star wars shirt. Sayid told everyone the story about the ugly duckling and repaired jacks tamagochi with his screwdriver. And Jack was no longer angry and even gave Locke a hug.

A/N Any ideas about what could happen next? Tell me please review!


	3. Sawyer's goals

What would happen if…

Sawyer had a list of goals.

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One day Sawyer was bored so he decided to write a list of things he wanted to achieve for that day.

**Sawyer's Goals **

Announce domination of the island

Call Jack a termite

Climb up a tree and drop a coconut on the head of a random passer by.

Con someone into giving me their food

Steal a car

Shave somebody's eyebrow off

Sawyer looked at his completed list of goals. He was very impressed with himself. He heard somebody come up behind him. He turned around and saw Kate.

"What-cha doing?" she asked looking at the paper in his hands. "That's not that death threat letter is it?"

Sawyer tried to put the paper in his pocket, but he was too slow and Kate grabbed it.

" Sawyer's Goals" read Kate looking at Sawyer, confused

"So what, I'm allowed to have goals!"

"Yeah but, you can't steal a car!" said Kate "if you haven't noticed we're on an island"

"You just wait" muttered Sawyer, snatching back the paper

Kate snorted

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Sawyer looked across the campsite. Everyone was sitting down looking bored. Sawyer stood up and cleared his throat. "Hey! Everyone" some people looked around, most people didn't. He tried again, "HEY! EVERYONE!" this time everyone turned around.

"I'd just like to announce that I am planning on dominating this island, so you had all better do as I say!" he said

Several people scratched their heads and Hurley said, "Dude, everyone knows Jack is our Queen!"

At once all the castaways said, "All hail Jack, Queen and overlord of the island"

Sawyer rolled his eyes. "Everyone knows Jack is nothing but a termite"

"YOU TOLD!" cried Jack who had been hiding behind a tree and ran into the forest crying because his secret had been let out.

Everyone looked at each other and shrugged "ok Sawyer you win."

"Hooray!" cried Sawyer and ran down the beach doing a victory dance

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Several hours later Sawyer was sitting in a tree. He had been sitting there for a long time and nobody had walked past. He was about to give up when Boone came skipping along the path. Sawyer got a coconut and carefully aimed for Boone. Just when he was directly underneath Sawyer's tree he dropped it. Knocking Boone unconscious.

Sawyer quickly climbed down the tree got out a razor and shaved off Boone's left eyebrow and ran away laughing hysterically before Boone woke up.

Sawyer looked down at his list of goals. He only had two left. Being a con man he was very confident as he walked up at Sayid.

"Hey, Sayid" he called

"What do you want?"

"Your food"

Sayid looked down at his plate "no way"

Sawyer pulled out a water pistol he had found "Now, or you get wet"

Sayid didn't like getting wet so he gave Sawyer his food. Sawyer wasn't hungry so he gave it back and crossed that off his list.

"You didn't actually con him you know" came a voice from behind him

Her turned around, it was Kate. "I got him to give me the food didn't I?"

"Yes but the goal was to con him, not blackmail him"

Sawyer took out his water pistol; there was only one way to shut her up. He sprayed her and ran away leaving Kate soaking wet.

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There was only one thing left on his list. 'I should have listened to Kate thought Sawyer, how was I supposed to know it would be this hard to steal a car?'

When suddenly a thought hit him, he checked his watch. He still had four hours until the day was over. He ran into the jungle and started to build a…. Car!

By the time he was done he only had half an hour left until midnight. He picked up the car and ran to the campsite.

He walked up to the first person he saw, Locke.

"Here you go Locke," he said handing him the car

Locke seemed puzzled, but he got in the car anyway and drove to the caves. Sawyer followed.

He checked his watch; he still had five minutes until midnight, five minutes to achieve his last goal. He walked up to Locke to make sure he was asleep, he was.

He quickly jumped in the car, which was parked near by and drove away; he had achieved all of his goals.

"Told you so Kate!" he yelled as he drove past her tent

Kate ran away crying, she didn't like being wrong.

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A/N: Ok here are some ideas for the next chapter. Whatever majority decides (or me if nobody votes) I will write. Here they are:

What would happen if…

Jack Exploded

Hurley turned into a girl

Aaron sprouted antlers

Sayid's foot fell off

So tell me which one you want (via review) and majority wins and I write. Or give me other ideas.


	4. Sayid's Foot

A/N: I got some votes for this chapter, which was great, but I decided to combine two of the stories ok? Good!

What would happen if…

Jack exploded and as a result Sayid's foot fell off

It was a lovely day on the island so Jack and Sayid decided to go for a picnic, they invited various other survivors but nobody had wanted to come. They were all scared of the monster because it had eaten Boone the day before.

Jack and Sayid were happily walking through the thick forest when they came to the tree Jack had hidden the remains of the dynamite in. (A/N: no hatch in this story, but there is dynamite). Jack stopped and took out a dynamite stick and said to Sayid "what do you want to beat I can bomb this tree over there" pointing to a near by tree.

Sayid picked up his own stick of dynamite "I bet I can do it better" he said and threw his dynamite at the tree causing it to explode

"Hooray" cried Jack jumping up in the air excitedly. He threw his dynamite at another tree causing that one to explode

The two of them had a merry ol' time throwing dynamite at trees until there was only one dynamite stick left. " It's mine!" squealed Jack

"Don't be stupid Jack, it's mine" whinged Sayid

The two of then fought for a long time until Jack grabbed it off Sayid and pushed him over into the rubble of one of the exploded trees. Jack aimed and before he could throw it, it went KA BOOM!

… Jack had exploded and as a result Sayid had lost his foot.

"Help!" yelled Sayid, "Help, Jack exploded and as a result I lost my foot!"

After several minutes of yelling Locke came running out of the jungle. They had been on this island for a while and because so many people had been injured he had decided to start his own ambulance business. Locke came running through the charred remains of exploded trees and Jack with a stretcher taped to his back and a siren stuck to his bald head, the siren wasn't turned on.

"I picked up your trail several minutes ago and while I was stalking you, I heard your girlish cries for help" Locke panted

"Thankyou" cried Sayid, wiping his eye.

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After several hours of intense surgery performed by Walt, Sayid's foot had stopped bleeding but that was all.

Walt wiped his for head, he was only young and he really wasn't up to this so he gave up, woke up Sayid and told him there was nothing he could do.

Sayid was, surprisingly, not upset. Rather than curling up in to a small ball and crying like a child he instead stood up, changed into a Charlie Chaplin suit and ran away without saying a word.

Several people were confused as to how he ran away (because he only has one foot) but he… he did.

After lots of running Sayid finally arrived at his resting spot next to the water. He put his legs in the water and was eaten by a shark.

A/N: I'm sorry it's such a terrible and short chapter! I've been sick all week so I haven't had an opportunity to write! Anyway, I'm on school holidays in 2 weeks so before then there might only be 1 chapter posted coz I have LOTS of homework. As usual I love the reviews I've been getting, thankyou! thankyou! Thankyou! Any ideas for future chapters? Tell me I'd love to hear it!

BYE!


	5. kate had a diary

What would happen if...  
Kate had a diary

Kate was sitting on the sand it was a warm day and nobody really had  
the energy to do anything. She looked around her, everywhere people  
were eating, or sleeping, or fighting. Yes everything on the island  
was normal. Kate pulled out a notebook she had found; being the main   
female on the island she decided to keep a record of everything which  
was going on.

_Dear Diary,  
Today while I was pleasantly wondering through the jungle I came  
across Jin who was sleeping on the ground. Being the main female on  
this island I came to the conclusion that it was my civic duty to  
wake him up and then run away like a giddy child. Which I did. After  
I woke him up I could hear him yelling angrily at me. It made me  
laugh.  
_

_After that Sawyer and i decided to make a pie, making pie is fun.  
Because we have no pastry of anything it wasn't really a very  
impressive pie (it was actually several mashed up berries) but that  
wasn't the point. The point was too making something to throw at Jack.  
i don't know why but Sawyer said it was a good idea, and Sawyer is  
ALWAYS right. I think we will throw it tomorrow; I can barely  
contain my excitement.  
_

_Then I was walking threw the jungle with Claire and you will never  
believe what she told me! She told me that Locke has a crush on me!  
Locke! I am so honoured because I have always had i thing for people  
with shiny baldheads. His head is just so shiny! I really am  
pleased maybe i should give him some flowers?  
_

_Later on after that afternoon while I was picking flowers for my love (Locke) I came across Walt who was crying. Being the main female I came to the conclusion that it was my duty to become nosy and ask what was going on, when I asked he stood up, yelled at me for interrupting his emotions and called me fat. I was a tad bit confused as to why he said that so I came to the logical conclusion that he hadn't meant to say that to me and had infact mistaken me for his father whom I have noticed has put on a few kilos recently. Anyway._

Kate paused she could hear someone coming, she turned around to face Charlie

"Hello Charlie" said Kate cheerily "what brings you to this patch of sand?" she asked smiling

Charlie looked confused, he hadn't purposely walked over to Kate "I erm..." he started looking around, he saw Kate's diary, "erm... what's that?" he asked pointing at the diary

"It's my diary," replied Kate "Since I am the main female on this island I decided it's my duty to record the events"

Charlie's eyes lit up "can I read it?"

"Oh no you can not" replied Kate

Charlie grabbed the diary from Kate whose eyes began to water; she had a record of her day's events in there! Charlie read the entry under his breath. "Unbelievable" he muttered after having have finished the story.

"What, that I wrote a whole page, I'm pretty shocked too, but since I'm the main female I really thought…" Charlie interrupted her

"You haven't mentioned me" he said, shocked "you've mentioned Jin, Sawyer, Jack, Claire, Locke, Walt and even vaguely mentioned Michael but what about me, the much loved Charlie?"

Kate stared; Charlie had a point, what about the much loved Charlie?

"Do you, do you want me to write something about you?" she asked picking up a pen and looking at Charlie

"Yes, I want you to write," Charlie looked around, " I want you to write _Charlie is so hot I'm melting"_

"Charlie is so hot I'm melting?" questioned Kate, she was confused, Charlie was hot but not that hot

"Yes, you owe it too me" said Charlie, he didn't appear hurt that Kate didn't think he was hot.

"How do I owe it to you?"

"You just do, now write it!"

Kate sighed and wrote it down "anything else?" she asked

"Yes, I want you to write, _Charlie is so great, he could beat sawyer in any card game"_ Charlie paused thinking "_he makes Jack look like a small piece of tuna"_

"Is that it?" asked Kate

"Sure is!" said Charlie happily and walked off into the sunset.

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That night while Kate was sleeping in her tent she was awoken by the Jack's cry of "SHE THINKS CHARLIE MAKES ME LOOK LIKE TUNA?"

Kate got up and ran over to Jack to find him curled up in a ball whimpering, next to him Kate's diary lay open on the page about Charlie. Several other people had gathered around Jack. Locke walked forward and picked up Kate's diary, he quickly read it, and his eyes began to fill with tears.

"Kate, please tell me what you wrote about Charlie is true, surely in the moments you were writing this entry you didn't change your mind about me?" and with saying that he ran away and cried "This is how it is, I am a man if faith," he turned around to face Kate, "and you aren't a man at all!"

Kat fell to her knees "NO!" she yelled, "please I can change!"

Charlie walked past all of this happily, quickly he ran to a nearby telephone booth and changed into his superman costume.

The end…

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A/N… yes, I am very aware it took me a LONG time to post that chapter which got rather pathetic towards the end, don't worry. Anyway I'm on holidays now so soon there should be a nice new chapter posted (I'm thinking something along the lines of Charlie being superman). Please review; I will probably have another voting thing after next chapter. Anyway… bye!


	6. Island hero

A/N: All right, before this chapter I'd like to say thank you so much for the reviews! I love them… Enjoy this chapter!

What Would Happen if…

Charlie had the powers of various different super heroes.

One day Charlie was happily walking through the forest when he came up to a sign saying '_Warning, Radioactive'_. Charlie wasn't too concerned about the radioactivity so he kept on walking. Then suddenly, out of nowhere came a bat, a spider and Jack. Jack quickly knocked Charlie out with a large ham and, once Charlie was knocked out, the bat and the spider bit Charlie giving him superpowers.

Several hours later Charlie awoke, he immediately sensed something wasn't right. He looked around; there was a dull silence. Then suddenly out of nowhere came a cry for help "Help Me!" said the cry.

Charlie was about to stand up and run in the direction of the cry when he realised he was flying. "Wha-" he began, but before he could finish his super fast flying had brought him to the scene of the crime.

Before him stood Claire and Jack (A/N: I spent ages trying to think of someone else to be mean to. But it's Jack, again) "Claire, stop calling for help, I'm the hero of this island!"

This made Charlie angry, clearly Jack wasn't the hero of the island, he couldn't even fly! Charlie quickly changed into his superhero costume; he has to have a secret identity, it's very important to have one. His costume was very cool! It was a traditional style in green and blue, complete with a black mask that covered his entire face and a purple and red striped cape with the letters 'I H', which stood for Island hero. "Never fear," yelled Charlie

He jumped from the tree and landed in between Claire and Jack. "What seems to be the problem pleasant island citizens?" asked Charlie in his best hero voice

"Help me Island hero, I can not reach the tree, my baby is stuck at the top!" Charlie looked up and, sure enough baby apron was sitting on the highest branch. "I tried to call for help but Jack was the only one who came"

"Never fear, I shall get your baby back!" With that Charlie jumped into the air and retrieved Aaron.

"Hooray" cried Claire, Jack didn't say anything, he was very jealous.

That night Claire was wandering through the forest, there was a rustling noise behind her. She turned around to see the island hero (aka Charlie) hanging upside down from a tree. Claire gasped, "island hero!" she ran towards upside down Charlie, "Thankyou for saving my baby" she dramatically looked off into the distance "A dingo could have gotten my baby!" she ran right up to Charlie so they were face to face "I love you island hero" and then she did the upside down kiss thing off Spiderman and skipped off into the jungle.

Nobody suspected Charlie was the island hero; nobody had any idea who it was, however, everyone did know it wasn't Jack who was becoming angrier every time he heard the island hero had saved another persons life. The Island hero became very popular and after one week had not only saved Aaron's life but had also saved Kate from a stampede of wild boar, Sawyer from a poisonous jungle berry, Locke from sitting on one of his knives and many, many more. The island hero had also set up his own doctor's office and hosted aerobics classes on Friday nights, these classes were very popular.

Nobody knew who the Island hero is, and nobody would ever know. Heroic music plays in background signifying end of story .

A/N: I seem to do a lot of these at the end of my story don't I? I love using Charlie in my stories, he is so fun ! I actually drew a picture of him in his hero costume, yes i was very bored, wanna see it? tell me and i can probably send it too you, but it aint that good. Anyway, here are the voting options for the next chapter:

-A character from Harry potter comes (if you vote for this please specify which character/characters)

-Kate becomes pregnant (who's gonna be the father, once again specify who you want)

-Jin is mistaken for a panda

-Lost characters dress up (if you have anyone you want to dress specifically as please tell)

Voting is the same as last time, via review 


	7. Harry Potter

Disclaimer: I don't own lost or Harry potter, but it'd be cool if I did!

A/N: I honestly didn't think this one would win but… it did! I might use the Kate getting pregnant and the costume party one another time. Also, if you don't like Harry potter, I'm sorry but… it won!

What would happen if…

Several characters from Harry Potter appeared?

It was a fine day, very silent. But the silence was broken by the cry of; "What the bloody hell is that?" out from behind a tree stepped Fred Weasley, closely followed by George Weasley, Sirius Black and Severus Snape. The four of them walked towards Jin who was cowering in fear of the four strange men.

"I think it's a panda," said Snape (A/N: this idea was also popular)

"Can we eat it?" asked Sirius who was always hungry.

Jin, who understood enough English to know he was in a bad situation quickly stood up. "Look the panda is doing a panda dance for us, isn't that nice?" asked Fred.

Jin scratched his head but deciding he should get out of this part of the jungle and back to the beach as soon as possibly. He jumped into his hot air balloon, which was tied to a nearby tree and took off into the direction of the beach.

Jin landed safely at the beach; since Locke had invented the idea of 'balloon travel' it wasn't really all that exciting to see a man land in a hot air balloon on the beach of a deserted island, infact nobody even looked up from what they were doing, except Jack who had become resident flight controller and was carefully was carefully watching Jin to make sure he didn't screw anything up. Jin didn't.

Jin looked around and was shocked to see the four strange men he had seen before in the jungle sitting on the sand talking to each other. The black haired one with grey eyes turned and yelled "Panda. The panda is back!" everyone on the beach turned to look at who Sirius was talking about except Jack who was busy checking out Snape.

"You aren't talking about Jin are you?" asked Kate

"Jin? Is that what you called the panda? Very Chinese, I'm impressed" said Fred

"It's a man, not a bloody panda!" said Charlie who began to throw sand at Snape.

Snape pulled out his wand and pointed it at Charlie who quickly built a fort, gathered several weapons, aimed them at Snape and took shelter behind a wall.

"I am so confused," said Fred to his brother who nodded in agreement.

Sirius quickly ran up to Charlie's fort to help him fight Snape.

The battle, which lasted for a long time was a complete waste of time. It only ended when the monster came and ate Jack. Everyone was happy the battle had ended because they were sick of getting sand in there eyes.

Sirius stared at Jin. He looked so much like a panda, it really was hard to believe that nobody else on this island realised this. Sirius heard footsteps coming from behind him, he turned to see Kate who sat down next to him. Everyone else had gone to bed, Sirius and Kate where the only ones left on the beach. Except Jin but because he is a panda he doesn't count.

Kate battered he eyelashes at Sirius. "Your hot!" she said

"I know"

"You're really hot"

"I know"

"I think I love you"

"I know"

Kate frowned "You seen quite vain as well!"

Sirius stared back at Kate in shock "Listen love, how could I not be vain? Half the world cried over my fictional death!"

Kate nodded he had a point, that and he was actually really hot!

Several people heard a cry the next morning. When people looked around they were shocked to find Kate in tears.

"What is it?" asked Sun

"They left" cried Kate

"Did they say goodbye?" asked Jack who seemed rather upset over Snape's sudden departure

Kate sniffed "Yes, and they said 'I don't 'I don't know how you can't just face the fact that that Jin looks like a panda' then they just disappeared!"

Locke stood on a piece of shrapnel and paced his hands on his hips in a rather heroic way "Never fear fair Kate, I'm sure we shall see them again"

A/N: you won't see them again, I think. I don't think I can reply to reviews, very annoying eh? Anyway I love the reviews and thank you so much to everyone who voted for this chapter! You are all so great! Hands out ice cream not doing another voting thing but if you have any ideas I would love to hear them!

P.S- sorry I deleted my pic of island hero costume so if you wanted to see it, I'm sorry hands out chocolate 


	8. the machine

What would happen if…

Claire and Sawyer swapped bodies?

One day Claire and Sawyer were walking to the beach when they came across a strange machine. It was big, silver and had a large red button that said 'do not push'. Sawyer did what any one of us would do in a situation like this, he pushed the button. (Admit it, you would do the same). There was a sudden flash of light and the two of them were knocked unconscious.

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A couple of minutes later, all though Claire and Sawyer had no idea how long it had been, they woke up.

"Son of a b-" started Sawyer, but then he noticed something, he sounded like a girl. He sat up and noticed his own sexy body lying on the jungle floor a couple of meters away. He looked down at himself and realised he wasn't in his own body, infact, he looked a lot like Claire.

Suddenly a moan came from his body, he turned around quickly and saw himself sitting up with a dazed look on his face. "What's going on? Said Claire (in Sawyer's body NOT Sawyer in Claire's body).

"I don't sound like that!" yelled Sawyer

"I didn't say that!" yelled Claire. The two of them stood up and faced each other "You're me!" yelled Claire

"You're me!" yelled Sawyer

"This is all your fault! If you hadn't pushed the button then we wouldn't be like this!" cried Claire

"Don't worry, I'm sure if we just press the button again!" he looked around and noticed the machine was gone "Where's it gone?"

The two of them looked around; until they heard someone coming they both looked and saw Jack he looked at the two of them, not sensing anything was wrong. "Hi Claire, hows Aaron?" before Sawyer could answer Jack turned to Claire "Sawyer, I need several of your belongings, can I please, please have them?"

Claire gave Jack an evil smile, knowing that it wasn't going to be easy to change back to herself, and that it was Sawyer's fault she had been put into this situation in the first place she decided to take advantage of it and get some revenge on Sawyer. "Of course you can have my stuff, take all of it if you want" she said she looked over at Sawyer who looked as though he was ready to kill.

"Thank's Sawyer I never knew you were so thoughtful!" Jack turned around to leave

"And I also wanted you to know, I love you." Added Claire

Jack blushed "That's very thoughtful of you" he then skipped away.

Sawyer advanced on Claire "I can't believe you just said that!"

"It's gonna get worse, unless you find a way to change us back!" said Claire

Sawyer sat down and then the full impact of the situation hit him "What are we gonna do?"

Claire realised what he was talking about, "Oh no, what are we going to do about Aaron?"

"And my job?" said Sawyer

Claire looked around "you don't have a job"

"I do too, I'm the island's jerk! A reputation you're already beginning to ruin!" said Sawyer defensively

Claire snorted. "Until we find that machine I guess there isn't anything we can do"

The two of them sighed.

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'I really don't like this, I really, really don't like this!' thought Sawyer

He walked towards Claire's shelter and noticed Charlie sitting on the sand with Aaron on his lap. 'Thank god he is eating solids' thought Sawyer who didn't want to think of the situation if he wasn't.

Sawyer reluctantly approached Charlie and took Aaron off him. "You've been gone for ages, he was asleep most of the time so he wasn't to bad" said Charlie

"Yes, you are lucky he was asleep," replied Sawyer sweetly. "Bye Charlie" he said battering his eyelashes. He had seen Claire doing this to Charlie before.

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Claire walked over to were sawyer's stuff was, she sat on his bed and was surprised about how comfortable it was, immediately, forgetting all of the days strange events she fell asleep

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The next day the two of them met on the beach. Claire couldn't believe what she saw as Sawyer walked up towards her. "What are you doing?" she cried. Clearly Sawyer had taken it upon himself to dress himself that morning. Claire stared at the outfit her body was wearing. A very short skirt and a tank top that showed a lot of midriff was all that covered her.

"What?" asked Sawyer confused "I look hot! This skirt accentuates your long legs!"

"There is no way I'm wearing that! Come on, I'm going to find you something to wear that doesn't make me look like clone of Shannon!"

Sawyer, who didn't have a problem with the way Shannon dresses, and you know what else, I thought I did a very good job of dressing myself, or you." He looked at Claire "And what do you think you are wearing?"

"Clothes"

"I look gay," sighed sawyer. They grey and Black striped shirt with jeans was an outfit he would definitely not wear.

"You look clean!" said Claire

"Whatever"

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The two of them spent the rest of the day trying to find the machine. It was nearing the end of the day and the two of them where still looking for the machine when suddenly Locke jumped out of a tree. "Hello there young ones, I believe you are looking for something"

Claire and sawyer ignored him and continued looking for the machine.

"I repeat, _I believe you are looking for something_" this time both of them turned and looked. "Yes it was I who took the machine and hid it from you, and to find it you will have to follow a series of clues, each more challenging than the one before."

Claire thought for several minutes "it's at the abandoned mine isn't it?"

Locke hung his head in disappointment "Yes"

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They quickly ran to the abandoned mine retrieved the machine and pressed the button. The two of them changed back into their normal bodies and they lived happily ever after.

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A/N: got any ideas for future chapters? I'd love to hear them! Please review!


	9. Sun's play

A/N: Thank you so much Merensankh for this great great idea!

What Would Happen if…

Sun put on a play?

Jack was walking along the path to the beach when he came across a sign, which had been pinned to a tree. Jack paused to read it:

_Are your acting talents being put to waste?_

_Do you want to prove those who say you can't be in a play while being stuck on an island wrong?_

_Then this notice is for you!_

_Sun is putting on a play and would like too have you in it! Are you interested?_

_Please see Sun for audition pieces!_

Jack, forgetting what he was walking to the beach for quickly ran to Sun's tent to get the audition information before it was too late.

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That night Jack was reading over his piece for the audition the next day. When Kate walked up to him. "Are you auditioning for the role of Melanie as well?" she asked, confused

Jack nodded, he had always wanted the lead role in a play, in school plays he had always been a tree or a rock.

"You do realise that role is for a female?"

Jack nodded again, he didn't care.

"And you aren't a female."

Jack began to get angry, Kate actually doubted him! "Things can change Kate!"

Kate shuddered. "I don't know about that"

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It looked as though everyone had turned up to audition for the play. Sun stood up to face the large crowd. "Everyone auditioning for Melanie could you please come forward."

About four people stepped forward including Kate and Jack. Sun stared "erm, Jack. You do realise the role of Melanie is for a female?"

Jack blushed "and do you realise I stole one of Kate's bras just so I could audition?"

"JACK!" yelled Kate

"I'm sorry Jack but you can't audition, even if you are wearing a bra, maybe you should audition for a rock, or a tree"

Jack hung his head in shame and slowly walked to the line with Locke in it. "You too hu?" said Locke; glad he had someone who could share in his shame.

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The next day the results of the previous days auditions appeared.

The Adventures of Melanie and Frank in Lord Green's Grocer 

Written by: Charlie

Directed by: Sun

Melanie: Kate

Frank: Sawyer

Lord Green: Sayid

Panda: Jin

Princess lee: Claire

Grocer: Boone

Rock: Locke

Tree: Jack

Practice is on Thursday

Just moments after this notice appeared there was uproar. Boone ran up to Sun's tent

And banged on her door until she came too see what was wrong. "I can't believe you gave Jin the role of Panda!" he cried.

"He earned it!"

"He only got it because you two are married!" whinged Boone

"No he did not!"

"Will you marry me?" asked Boone; this was his last chance at the role of panda

"No"

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There were several more complaints throughout the day but by the end nobody cared anymore. They rehearsed for several weeks before the big opening night of the play.

Everyone took their seat and a hush fell throughout the crowd as Sun stepped onto the makeshift stage to open the play. "Hello everyone and welcome to the first official play on the island. _The Adventures of Melanie and Frank in Lord Green's Grocer_ was written by Charlie and directed by myself, I hope you all enjoy" with that she stepped off the stage and sat in her front row seat next to Charlie.

Kate and Sawyer stepped onto the stage. Kate began sweeping the floor and Sawyer walked towards the pretend fireplace on the left hand side and sat in an aeroplane chair beside it.

" My Dearest Frank, I fear that this humble village of Korea we live in will soon fall down and all shall die." Said Kate

Sawyer stood up and faced Kate "You shan't fear Melanie my love for if we die the evil grocer too shall pass"

Kate ran up too Sawyer, the two of them dramatically looked towards the audience and said together "Driveshaft is great and if this town were to crumble all would mourn for this great band"

"That's my favourite line," whispered Charlie

There was a quick change of set and Jack and Locke took to the stage Locke curled up into a ball and lay on the ground for his role of the rock and Jack stood with his arms in the air for his role as the tree. Sayid, Jin and Claire then took to the stage. Jin was in a panda costume. Sayid and Claire linked arms and slowly walked back and forth across the stage while Jin got on all fours and followed them like an obedient dog.

"My dearest lord Green, why is it that you hired the evil grocer to work in the village of Korea?" asked Claire

Sayid sighed "Princess lee, tis only to buy you nice things"

The two of them stopped walking and sat down on the rock (aka Locke). "The evil grocer is only there to eliminate the two known as Melanie and Frank." said Sayid

There was another quick set change, Jin Claire, Sayid, Locke and Jack quickly exited the stage and was replaced by Kate and Sawyer.

Kate resumed her sweeping while Sawyer paced the stage. "The grocer asked me to come to his house for tea, he also invited you" said sawyer

"Nothing would please me more" replied Kate.

"It is at the grocer after sundown, he said to come unarmed" said Sawyer

There was another quick scene change everyone, except Jack and Locke, took to the stage. They all sat in a circle and pretended to be eating. "So Lord Green" said Sawyer, "I believe you invited us here"

"No it was me" said Boone

"Oh yes, why do you wish for us to be here"

Boone pulled out a large knife and pointed it at Sawyer "too kill you"

"If I had of known that I wouldn't have come" said Kate

There was a fierce on stage battle between Sawyer and Boone. Kate, Claire, Sayid and Jin continued eating their imaginary food

After 15 minutes of this Kate stood up and said; "What is it you want Evil grocer?"

"I just want to be loved," said Boone and he then began to cry

Sawyer walked over to Boone to attempt to comfort him "Do not worry, you are only unloved because you are evil and you have a unibrow"

Boone nodded "I understand" he walked off the stage

Jin then stood up "I am panda hear me roar" he yelled

Then all of the plays actors took to the stage and bowed. Sun and Charlie walked onto the stage and also bowed, several flowers were thrown and Hurley actually threw his underwear at Jack who was knocked over by the force.

Everyone loved the play

The end.

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A/N: yes, I'm aware that play made no sense. Thankyou so much Merensankh for that idea! I loved writing that chapter! (it was also my longest one yet) please review!


	10. the picnic

A/N: Thanks GirlofthePirates for this great idea!

What would happen if…

Sayid and Claire went on a picnic?

Sayid walked towards Claire who was sitting on a rock. "Excuse me Claire, but could I interest you in a romantic picnic this afternoon?" He asked

Claire smiled. "Of course I am interested in going on a romantic picnic with you!" she said forming a conga line in her mind and dancing.

The two of them made arrangements about where to meet and so on.

Sawyer saw Sayid packing his backpack with food. "What are you doing?" he asked

"Claire and I are going on a picnic," answered Sayid, lifting the backpack onto his shoulders.

Sawyer knew this piece of information could earn him a lot; he enjoyed thinking for several minutes about what this small scrap of information could earn him.

"Why are you smiling like an evil overlord?" asked Sayid

Sawyer stopped smiling so quickly that Sayid became frightened "I never was smiling" he started to walk away and began smiling evilly again.

Sawyer walked up to Kate he was climbing a tree for no obvious reason. "I have some news that may interest you," he yelled

Kate jumped out of the tree, which was very impressive as the tree was at least 20 meters high. "What is it?"

"It's a secret," said sawyer smiling

"Then why did you tell me that you have news that may interest me?"

"It is a secret that may interest you"

Kate stared; she had no idea why Sawyer was telling her this. "Are you gonna tell me or not?"

Sawyer considered this for a moment. "You know what, I will only tell you if you do something for me" he answered with raised eyebrows.

Kate sighed heavily, she knew what this was but she decided to ask anyway "What is it"

"I want you to sing" said Sawyer happily

"Yay, I'm a great singer!" cried Kate, overjoyed at the prospect of singing.

"But, not just any song, I want you to sing 'I believe in a thing called love' by the Darkness"

Kate was shocked, as greater of a singer she is knew that song was way out of her vocal cords range. "Sawyer, I don't know"

Sawyer raised his hands and made them into a fist shaking them at Kate "Do it!"

Kate took a deep breath and began to sing.

Jack was sitting at the caves on his own, he was sad; nobody had being paying any attention to him. He felt the tears slowly beginning to fall into his lap. "Why am I being ignored like this" he yelled. Several passes by laughed at him, some threw bananas at him but Jack didn't care, nobody was giving him the important attention he deserved.

Sayid and Claire walked hand in hand towards the designated picnic area, unaware that Kate and Sawyer were following them. Kate and Sawyer continued on their mission, following Sayid and Claire to the designated picnic grounds, Kate and sawyer however were unaware they were being followed by Jack.

Claire and Sayid unpacked the picnic and set and began to embark on a wonderful romantic picnic together

Kate watched the two of them in disgust, she was the only one for Sayid, how could he do this to her? She immediately began to cry.

Jack stepped out from behind the bushes where he was spying on Kate and Sawyer, spying on Claire and Sayid. "Never fear Kate, we shall sabotage their romantic picnic and hopefully, after we have done that we can return to the caves and talk about me"

Kate and Sawyer ignored him. Jack couldn't take it anymore. He curled up into a ball with his arms wrapped protective way muttering, "Never leave the caves, never leave the caves"

Kate and Sawyer continued spying "Perhaps we could sabotage them whispered" Sawyer echoing Jack's words from before, he loved ruining people's special moments.

Kate grinned evilly "Got any ideas?" she whispered

"I've got a few," whispered Sawyer

Many hours later they returned, they stepped past Jack who was still cowering and were glad to see that Sayid and Claire were still sitting on the picnic rug even though it was dark and the sun had set at least an hour ago.

"You got 'em?" asked Kate

Sawyer pulled out the fireworks from his bag. Kate aimed them at Sayid and Claire and lit them. There was a moment's pause before it went off into the air lighting up the area with pink sparks.

Kate heard a gasp from Claire, she grinned, believing she had just ruined their time.

"Sayid, I can't believe you did that! You waisted something that could help us get off the island on me!" cried Claire

Kate smiled, Claire was not happy

"I would do anything for you" said Sayid in an overly corny way

Kate could have cried again.

Sawyer walked over to Kate sensing this wasn't going as planned "Do you want to try plan two?" he asked

The two of them walked over to Jack, Kate grabbed his arms and Sawyer, who had drawn the short straw, took his feet. They walked towards were Sayid and Claire were sitting and threw Jack at them. They listened and heard an outcry from Claire, Kate smiled again, this might be it.

"Did you get Jack to serenade me?" she asked Sayid

Kate and sawyer didn't see what happened next, they did, however, hear Jack singing 'I will always love you' by Whitney Huston. Kate realised her love for Sayid was a lost cause. She ran all the way back to her beach hut and cried all night.

A/N: Yes, I am aware this chapter took ages to post. I started school again (sadly the holidays are over) and I've had lots of homework : (and, on the bit about the darkness (the song Kate sings). They are one of my favourite bands and if you know that song you will hopefully appreciate that bit, if not… they are influenced by the 80's so just think about that. And, im not a fan of Whitney Huston, I was just trying to think of an overly corny song that I can't imagine Jack singing.

Oh yeah and a disclaimer for that, obviously I don't own either of those songs.

Anyway for next chapter why don't you nominate a character and a situation? I'll try and write it in. thanks to those who review!


	11. Kate's pregnant

What Would Happen if…

Kate got pregnant?

Kate walked up to Sun who was working on her veggie garden. "Hello Sun"

Sun looked up "Hello Kate"

"I'm pregnant," said Kate

Sun stared, everyone had been waiting for Kate to say this for a long time she was clearly at least eight months but had apparently been in denial about it "so who's the father" asked Sun, who was desperate for some gossip.

Kate thought for several minutes. "It's um… its Sayid!"

"I didn't know you and Sayid were together" said Sun, rather shocked.

Kate smiled "oh, we aren't. I just thought it'd be cool, you know I mean Sayid is hot!" she took a sharp breath and her eyes glistened with happiness "imagine if he was!" Kate giggled.

Sun stared again. "So, who is the real father?"

Kate thought again, "Boone"

"Boone is dead, he's been dead for the last four years" answered Sun

"Really? Wow! Time really flies when your having fun doesn't it?" said Kate "Listen, I'm going to have to think about this" she sat on a log "Jin, Jin is the father" she cried in delight of having have thought of someone

Sun was horrified "Jin is my husband!"

"Oh yeah" said Kate

"It really shouldn't be this hard Kate, just think about who you were sleeping with eight months ago," said Sun

"Eight months ago? Wow that's a really tough one! Can you give me a few minutes?"

Sun waited for longer than a few minutes, it was at least an hour before Kate answered "Sawyer!" she cried

Sun who was half asleep from waiting looked up "So Sawyer is the father?" she asked

"No, but I was sleeping with him eight months ago"

"Was he the only one?"

"Yes, but he's not the father" insisted Kate

Sun yawned she was tired of this conversation; she walked away from pregnant Kate and back to the beach.

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"In your face Jack!" yelled Sawyer who had just been told by Sun. Sawyer looked over at Jack to see him stalking off into the jungle, most likely to have a cry. He beamed at everyone, the news that Sawyer was sleeping with Kate eight months ago, and therefore most likely the father of her child had spread through the small island civilization like fire. Nobody was too shocked; several people were thrilled by the amount of money they had won through betting on this outcome.

"Now all we have to do is get Kate to admit it," said Sun

"Ok, how?" asked Sawyer

"I don't know, lets ask Locke" suggested Sun

"Ok" agreed sawyer

Michael who was passing by at the time overheard this " 'Let's ask Locke'" he imitated Sun "it's always ask Locke, nobody ever wants to ask Michael, why won't you ask me? Why?" he yelled and ran off into the jungle

Sun and Sawyer looked at each other and went to go and ask Locke

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"So have you finished yet?" asked Sawyer

Sun looked down at the letter she had just written "yep"

"So we just have to put it in the box?" asked Sawyer

Sun nodded and posted the letter in the letterbox nearby.

Several days later Locke's weekly newsletter came out. Sun and sawyer opened _'The Locke weekly'_ and read the advice collum. Their letter was the third one; in between one from 'desperatedoc' on wether it was the right time to start wearing a dress and one from 'estrangedfather99' about why nobody was acknowledging his knowledge.

_To ask Locke, a friend of mine is in denial about me being the father of her baby. How can I get her to admit it is I? From CatLuver15_

"Why is my name 'catluver15'?" asked Sawyer

Sun shrugged and read Locke's reply:

Hi catluver15, I'm not too sure about what you should do, perhaps you should just ignore it and live with the knowledge it is you. I'm not too sure, goodbye!

The two of them were shocked, this was the least helpful Locke had ever been.

"Do you just want to ignore all this and get on with our lives" asked Sawyer

"Yes" replied Sun and the two of them walked away.

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A/N: this idea was in one of them voting things a while back, I decided to do it for this chappie: D

Anyway I'm sorry it's really short; have to revise for history test now (Yay!) So I didn't have too much time to do this, If I don't get another post up before Easter, happy Easter everyone!

Anyway, any ideas for future chapters? I'd love to hear them and please review, reviewers are my favourites!


	12. Random events

A/N: There is some French in this chapter but it should be simple to understand. It's only a couple of words.

What would happen if…

A Whole lot of random things happened?

"Hurley is dead!" cried Sun.

As soon as everyone heard this, all in unison they cried "nooooooooooooooo". This loud cry woke up the monster, which began to eat people, but nobody cared. They were all very sad by the death of their dearest Hurley.

The next day the few people who remained as survivors of the crash gathered together for Hurley's funeral. Jack spoke first. "I loved that little guy" he said, "he taught me many, many thing, such as how to speak French! He was an excellent singer too. I'd do anything to hear the wondrous voice of his again" he wiped away a tear and sat down again.

Kate stood up but she was far to emotional to speak so she sat down again. That was the end of the funeral. Everyone walked away.

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Some days later Kate approached Sawyer, "I need some help" she said.

Sawyer took off his glasses and swished his hair out of his eyes in such a way that it seemed almost slow motioned. "What for?" he asked

Kate sighed "I need someone to help me sort out Hurley's clothes"

Sawyer quickly stood up. Sorting things was what he did best.

Meanwhile Jack and Locke were talking "You know ever since Hurley died I've been a bit troubled," said Jack sadly

Locke wasn't that troubled at all. In fact he had been the one murdered Hurley. Framing a boar for the murder nobody suspected it was he. He wanted to keep his innocent image so he replied, "Yes, me too"

"_Non,_ I'm _sérieux _ever since he taught me _le français _I keep changing dialect!"complained Jack.

Locke was impressed "Are you sure?" he asked eager to make fun of jack as much as was humanly possible.

"_Oui, _I mean, _Oui, _I mean…" Jack was having trouble answering, Locke loved it

"Yes?"

"_Oui" _Locke felt he had found his purpose on this island.

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Meanwhile Kate and Sawyer were going through Hurley's items trying to work out what to do with it. His clothes, which were to big for anyone else, were to be used as blankets and lis shoes for buckets.

"What are we going to do with this?" asked Kate holding up a notepad.

Sawyer stared at her, unimpressed by her lack of imagination. "Read it" he said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which it was.

Kate opened it, screamed and immediately shut it again and through it across the shelter.

"What is it?" asked Sawyer picking up the book. Kate was n no condition to answer she had curled up into a tight ball and was rocking backwards and forwards leaving Sawyer very confused. He opened the book and inside was…

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Jack ran to the cave carrying Kate on a stretcher, behind him was Charlie and Michael carrying sawyer on a stretcher. "Do we know what happened?" asked Jack

Michael handed Jack Hurley's notepad, Jack went to open it but Charlie stoped him, "We don't know what's in there, don't open it!" he yelled.

Jack carefully put the book aside and grabbed a bucket full of water and chucked it over Sawyer and Kate. The two of them woke up and started screaming like they had seen something scary, which they had.

"Calm them down!" yelled Michael, jack quickly put a blanket over their faces and immediately they calmed down. But they never spoke of what they saw….

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"Ewww, ewww, ewww, ewww" said Sawyer, he often said this ever since, 'that day' nobody knew why. Except Kate.

The two of them were sitting together, occasionally muttering words, which didn't make sense.

"What do you think they saw?" asked Claire who was watching them nearby.

"I can hear you!" yelled sawyer who had excellent hearing. Claire walked away and repeated her question, his time hoping she wouldn't be over heard.

"I don't know, but it can't be good" replied Walt who appeared out of nowhere

"But Walt, your dead!" cried Claire

Walt sighed; quite clearly he was not dead. "Listen, just let me get this straight. I never have died, and I never will die. It doesn't matter how many times Locke shoots me _I am invincible! _Got it?"

Claire nodded, but she definitely did not get it but it was much easier to agree. "Listen, just go away, you're boring everyone!" she said to Walt. Walt hung his head and walked away.

"Mmm-hmm" said Claire and walked away.

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Jack was sitting on a rock thinking about his evil schemes. He had already seriously damaged Kate and Sawyer by writing 'I Love Jack' in Hurley's diary and making Walt invincible but he didn't know where to go from there.

He sat there for a long time contemplating.

A very long time.

Until he came up with the most evil scheme he had ever schemed. Just thinking about it made him feel like the grinch who stole Christmas.

And with that he found some dynamite and blew up the whole island forgetting it would mean death to all those upon it. Except of course for Walt who can never die.

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A/N: I'm sad to say this story is drawing to an end. This isn't the last chapter but there will probably only be one or two more. Yes it's very sad I know. But never fear I'm currently writing a new story, not a humour but it is about lost and that's the main thing isn't it? Anyway please review, reviewers are super terrific!

Also happy ANZAC day to the aussies and new zealanders out there! Have a biscut!


	13. Island hero v Capitan Ex

What would happen if…

The Island hero had to save everyone from the evil Capitan Ex?

Charlie was doing well, he was the island hero, he was always well! They had been on the island for a very long time now. So long infact that Jack's short hair had fallen out. Jack, in a desperate attempt to bring back his luscious head of hair and stolen several of Hurley's hairs and glued them to his baldhead in a comb over fashion. He refused to join Locke's bald club.

Everyone else was fine. Charlie had is own merchandise lable, of course it was under the island hero title so nobody actually knew it was him but it always made him smile to see children and adults carrying around lunchboxes with a picture of him on them along side his current catch phrase _'That's fab-u-licious!'_ With the left over profit from the lunch box sales he had bought himself a fine house by the beach.

But there was one problem with Charlie's currently perfect life; his name was Capitan Ex. Capitan Ex was a new comer to the world of super powers and since Thursday last week had been terrorising the poor inhabitants of the island. Not only had he pushed Kate in to the mud on her way to the caves, he had also killed Steve. Capitan Ex had crossed the line and Charlie new it was the island hero's duty to stop him.

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Charlie had to be very careful in the way he planned to capture Capitan Ex; he had gone through many ideas and possibilities in his head. Traps, blackmail and various others.

One day he was happily walking through the forest when he heard a horrible noise. It was Jack. "Capitan Ex stole my hair!" Jack cried.

Upon hearing this Charlie changed into his island hero costume and ran in the direction Jack's cry for help had come from. When he arrived at the scene he found Jack cowering behind a tree. "What happened?" asked the Island Hero.

Jack didn't answer; he just made a mumbling noise. Charlie noticed Jack was clutching his head as though if he exposed it to direct sunlight the results would be deadly.

Charlie ran to Jack and pealed his hands back from his head. He was bald. Capitan Ex had taken his hair. Jack screamed, "im getting sun burnt, I need my hair back!" he cried.

Charlie being the reliable person he is pulled a hat out of his bag and gave it to Jack. "Here. You can have this, it will protect you from the sun's harsh rays." Jack nodded and ran away.

Charlie watched Jack run away, and then turned to look into the distance. Capitan ex would never get away with this. At that moment a large coconut dropped from a tree above him, it landed on his head and knocked him unconscious.

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When Charlie woke up he was very confused. He was in a dimly lit room, tied to a chair. Yes this was indeed the most confusing situation he had ever been in. Even more confusing than that time when everybody on the island had 'Let speak German for the day' day. This was much more confusing.

Into the room walked a man. Charlie didn't recognise him. This was because he was in a costume, not just any old costume it was the Capitan Ex costume. Capitan ex had a very distinguishing costume. He wore ass-less-chaps with tightly whiteys underneath (Charlie was very glad for this) and a bare chest with a yellow cape baring the words '_Capitan Ex' _and a mask, which only showed the whites of his eyes.

"We meet again island hero" said Capitan Ex.

"We've never met before," said Charlie

Even though he was wearing a mask Charlie could tell Capitan ex was thinking fast. "Yeah, you wish," replied Capitan Ex.

This comment only confused Charlie more. "What do you want Capitan Ex?" asked Charlie, the whole situation was getting very strange and all Charlie really wanted to do right now was go home.

"I want you to join me _or die_" he said the last part very dramatically. He moved closer to Charlie and whispered; "You have ten seconds to make your choice" he pulled out a timer from his pocket. "Time starts now" he said pressing a button on the timer.

Charlie didn't really want to do either of the options he had been given.

"Time's up" said Capitan Ex "have you made your choice?" he asked

"I chose neither," replied Charlie. Capitan Ex looked as though he had been punched in the face. This was because he had been punched in the face. While Capitan ex had been preoccupied with the timer Charlie had untied his hands.

Charlie punched him again. This time knocking him unconscious. He tied him to a chair and waited for him to wake up. It took a long time so he went to get some coffee. By time he had returned and finished his coffee Capitan Ex was awake. Charlie looked him in the eye "that was payback from knocking me out before" he said.

"I didn't knock you out"

"Yes you did, you threw a coconut at me"

"No I didn't that was coincidence."

"Oh" said Charlie "well now that you're here I'm going to reveal your true identity"

Charlie grabbed the top of the mask and pulled it off Capitan Ex's head to reveal…. Locke! Charlie gasped, this was so unexpected.

"Locke!" cried Charlie, quickly he composed himself "I knew it was you" he lied. "Explain!" he commanded

Locke raised one of his eyebrows. "Um, explain what?"

Charlie sighed "Explain why you pushed Kate in the mud and stole Jack's hair."

"I killed Steve, you forgot that one"

"Yes that too"

"Well, I never pushed Kate in the mud, that was my clone, Locker."

"Of Course!" cried Charlie "it all makes sense!"

"No it doesn't, there are still many questions such as where did I get a cloning machine and why did I take Jack's hair"

"Well then continue, you do realise I have much better things to do than listen to you talk about yourself" said Charlie.

"Well, I killed Steve because he discovered m secret, a secret which would reveal my true identity. That secret is, my real super villain name is 'Capitan Ex cripple'

Charlie gasped, "But why did you take Jack's hair?

Locke looked down "he refused to join my bald club, he told me he still had hair so I thought if I stole his hair he would join the bald club and could participate in our super secret activities, he would be so good for the club."

"Who else is in the club?" asked Charlie.

"Nobody, it's just me and my clone right now, it's pretty hard to play go fish with only two people, especially if they're both you"

"Now that's fab-u-licious," said Charlie. "Look, I'm not going to kill you, I've already killed your clone, I think I'll just steal your costume. Ok?"

Locke nodded "I will never be evil again"

"Good now go home little Locke" said Charlie

As he watched Locke walk off into the distance he was very proud of himself. This had been, indeed a very great day for all.

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A/N: hmm… yes that was a long wait between chapters. I hope you enjoyed that one. Next chapter will be the last one, yes a sad occasion for all. If anyone would like to see a certain character return for the final chapter or have them in a certain situation, please tell me because im really stuck for ideas and I love peoples suggestions, they are always really good. anyway review as always!


	14. The Grandest Finale of all

A/N: yes the grand finale is here

The Grandest finale:

Jack was lonely; he was the loneliest of all the lonely men on the island. So so lonely. Not only was he lonely, he was also bored, the most bored of all the bored citizens on the small, boring, lonely island. He had come up with several 'great' ideas to improve the island life. However all of them had been rejected. But seriously, how could they not want to have a George Michael impersonation competition? They must have all know he would beat them decided Jack. But then an idea hit him. It was a great idea. How could anyone disagree with such a great idea? Jack mentally patted himself on the back for thinking of such an idea. Quickly he stood up from where he sat and ran down the beach, he would need to go to the photocopy machine which they had found and make posters before it was too late.

That very next day the island people only had one topic on their lips. Jack's idea. The posters had appeared glued to various trees and lampposts over night. Of course some people weren't too happy about it but there wasn't much they could do about it.

Kate, Claire, Sawyer, Sayid and Charlie stormed up to Jack's tent. Locke too had been affected by Jack's idea but he had no problem with it. He was already choosing what he was going to wear for the event.

Once the crossed the threshold of Jack's tent they looked for where he might be. For a small tent it was surprisingly hard to find Jack. However, after a few minutes of looking, suddenly trap door opened from beneath the sand and Jack appeared crawling out of it.

Jack quickly brushed some sand off of him and shut the trap door behind him in a desperate attempt to cover up its existence. Despite the fact Kate, Claire, Sawyer, Sayid and Charlie were incredibly confused as to why Jack had a trap door in his tent they quickly shook it off as they remembered the reason they had had come to his tent in the first place.

"Why?" exclaimed Sayid shoving a poster into Jack's face. Jack immediately recognized it as his special event poster.

_Do You Like Mud Wrestling?_

_I've organized a mud wrestling competition to be held on Tuesday, not only will there be the excitement of betting on which competitor you would like to win, the loser of each round will be forced to jump into the ocean naked!_

_Competitor rounds,_

_Round 1, Sawyer v. Sayid, Round 2, Kate v. Claire, Round 3, Charlie v. Locke_

_Come and see all the fun and excitement_

_Love Jacek. X0X0_

"What's wrong with it? if you're here to tell me I miss-spelled my name I'm already aware of that" said Jack.

Kate, Claire, Sawyer, Sayid and Charlie sighed and rolled their eyes. "The problem is, we don't want to participate in this," said Sawyer, speaking on behalf of everyone else

"Locke has no problem with it, why can't you all be more like Locke? Why?" said Jack. At that moment Locke walked past wearing a boar skin, this clearly was what he planned on wearing to the event.

"You didn't ask us first!" cried Charlie

"Yes I did" said Jack, "I swear on erm… Boone's life"

"Hey!" yelled Boone who was walking past

"But I really did. While you where sleeping I came into your tents and told you if you gave me no answer means 'yes' then I asked you if you'd participate and you gave me no answer which meant yes"

"What? You came into my tent _while I was sleeping?_" said Claire

Jack ignored this comment and continued with his explanation "If you're so upset about it you should have said something, but I'm afraid it's too late now. You should probably hurry up and work on your costumes. Locke's is looking stunning right now" he said indicating to Locke who was now sequining his boar skin.

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It was the big day, yes it was Tuesday. The whole island was filled with excitement. Bets had been placed, costumes had been made, it was on.

Sayid and Sawyer took to the ring. Jack had been working very hard over the past few days to create the perfect mud-wrestling arena. At least that was what he called it. In reality it was nothing more than the outline of a circle in sticks with a large pile of mud in the centre. Several old aeroplane seats had been placed at one side for the VIPs.

Sayid and Sawyer stared each other down. Both decked out in brightly coloured costumes. Sayid had chosen a pale blue costume. Much like what Jasmine wore in Aladdin. Clearly he was trying to keep up with his hetrige. Arabian Nights played in the background. Sawyer, however, had chosen a cowboy costume; the look suited him very well. Even though his hat was a very bright pink.

Jack stepped into the arena and cleared his throat. An unnatural silence fell upon the crowd. The only noise that could be heard was the growl of the monster in the distance. "Hello everyone" yelled Jack, he would have much preferred to have a microphone but unfortunately they had limited recourses.

"Hey Jack!" replied everyone

"Jack hushed the crowd again and continued with his introduction speech. "Welcome to the first round, Arabian Princess v. Kentucky Cowboy (A/N: it rhymes, I don't know if there really are cowboys in Kentucky). Have you all placed your bets?"

"Yes!" screamed the crowd

"Are you ready for some action?"

"Yes!"

"Then lets begin!" Jack picked up a trumpet and blew into it signifying the beginning of the match

Sawyer and Sayid stared at each other from across the ring, momentarily unsure as to what exactly they were meant to be doing. They ran at each other. It was a rather cold day and neither of them wanted to face the consequences of loosing. Sawyer grabbed a hand full of mud and threw it at Sayid, hitting him in the chest.

"You ruined my Arabian princess costume you fool!" yelled Sayid close to tears, he had spent ages working on the costumes finer details.

He ran towards Sawyer with clenched fists and jumped onto him pushing him to the ground. Well Sawyer just couldn't take this too much longer, quickly he summoned some super-human strength and pushed Sayid off him and to the opposite end of the ring. Quickly, Sawyer took off his hot pink cowboy hat and threw it as though it was a Frisbee at Sayid. It hit him in the stomach and knocked him flat onto his back. Jack ran to Sayid and began to count.

"One" cried Jack, Sawyer stood in the background inspecting his nails

"Two" yelled Jack, the audience held their breath

"Three!" yelled Jack. Sawyer threw his arms into the air

"Haha you're going to have to go skinny-dipping!" he yelled at Sayid who groaned in misery at the prospect.

Round One was over.

Claire and Kate took to the ring, unsure about exactly how they were meant to take the current situation. Neither of the two particularly wanted to be involved in this. They, unlike Sayid and Sawyer had put very little effort into their costumes. They were just wearing their normal every day clothes, the only difference was Kate had a mask and Claire had a sequined cape she had borrowed from Michael.

Jack once again took to the arena. He had changed his artier in the few moments between the end of the previous match, he also had a handle bar moustache. "Ready for round two?" asked Jack towards the crowd

The crowd all nodded in unison

Jack once again blew his trumpet and left the ring leaving Kate and Claire.

They slowly walked towards the centre of the ring and stood there. Very unsure about how exactly they should go about this. Claire who had been facing Kate for the last few minutes turned around to face Jin who she had hired to coach her for the event. "What should I do?" she mimed towards him, he merely shrugged and walked towards the lemonade stand Walt had made.

However in the seconds her back had been turned on Kate, Kate had run up behind her and pushed her into a pile of mud. Claire quickly grabbed a hair tie, tied her hair into a long plait and swished it into Kate's face. This time knocking Kate to the ground.

Jack quickly ran towards the arena, in preparation to count but he wasn't needed, Kate quickly stood up again and got Claire into a headlock and began messing up her hair, this was a far more interesting fight than the previous match. However after the sixth hour of the fight the crowd was becoming increasingly bored, especially now that the fight consisted of nothing more than child-ish insults.

"You're fat," said Claire

"You wish you were fat," replied Kate

"You don't have the skill to be fat"

"I know you are but what am I?"

"You're a Jack lover" said Claire

Kate gasped, then thinking of the only reply she could ever respond with to an insult such as this she said. "You wish"

Jack who until his name had been bought up in the argument had been falling asleep in his referee seat suddenly sat up. "Listen girls!"

They immediately stopped their deciding which one of them loved Jack, to look at Jack

Jack cleared his throat and continued, "Nobody loves Jack, okay?"

"That's not true" yelled Hurley from one of the VIP seats "I love you Jack"

Jack smiled Hurley in a few moments of blissful happiness but then continued once again with his speech. "Okay, only Hurley loves me, but I think you'd all agree with me that this match has become overwhelmingly boring. I suggest we for fit it for now, neither of you have lost that okay? Good"

Claire and Kate shrugged and walked away.

There was no time for Jack to change his outfit this time as Locke and Charlie had been ready for their match for the last five hours and immediately took to the ring. Locke in his sequined boar skin outfit on the left and Charlie in a banana costume he had found on the ground on the right. During the last five hours Charlie had done some thinking. He had decided to loose purposely, not having have forgotten the consequences of loosing, more wanting to save the innocent minds of the island citizens from seeing naked Locke.

The moment Jack blew his trumpet Charlie fell to the ground, Locke looked quite put out by Charlie's lack of enthusiasm but ran over to hold him down anyway. Jack ran over and counted "one, two, three"

The round was over, Charlie had just sacrificed his dignity for the purpose of protecting others innocent, happy and untroubled mind. They had better appreciate it.

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Sayid and Charlie stood side by side. Thankfully for now they were wearing towels. At least Charlie had chosen to be there thought Sayid angrily. There was a large crowd gathering in the skinny-dipping area. So named after when Boone had went swimming there and a shark had eaten his clothes.

Jack, once again, stepped forward from the crowd. "Will the losers please step forward." He cried. Sayid and Charlie both took deep breaths and stepped forward. "Will the losers please remove their towels" Charlie and Sayid, avoiding eye contact with everyone removed their towels.

The suddenly, with Charlie and Sayid standing naked on the beach there was a light in the distance. Everyone stared at it, shocked by it's brightness. It came closer and closer. The suddenly a giant spot light shone down upon them from above. Above the spotlight was… a helicopter.

They were rescued.

Everyone screamed and yelled with happiness, they were finally rescued! A ladder appeared from the helicopter and a man began to climb down from it. When he reached the sand everyone suddenly fell silent.

The man cleared his throat. "You're rescued!" he said

"Yay" said everyone

The man then turned to Sayid and Charlie and whispered "You're erm… you're naked"

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A/N: Wow, that was the longest chapter I have ever written, actually scratch that. That was the longest thing I have ever written. Anyway last chapter. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I have to thank GirlofthePirates for that idea. Please review by the way, reviewers are my favourites.

Sorry about the long wait between chapters, I had a huge to do list before I did this chapter and erm… lets just say I didn't complete my list, at all.

Keep an eye out for my new fic, which I will probably post around mid-June. Before I start posting I need to update an old fic and write more chapters for new fic. Which, by the way I've changed to a humour.

Anyway thankyou any one who has ever reviewed, or read for your support and ideas.


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